|Isle of Skye, Scotland|
whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man against whom the LORD counts no iniquity,
and in who's spirit there is no deceit.
It was easy to be bitter, far easier than approaching my friend, admitting to my sin, and receiving the forgiveness and reconciliation I craved. After all, he had hurt my feelings. He deserved my resentment. Just like I deserved his. I knew it wasn't right. Over and over, prayer after prayer, journal entry after journal entry, I thought to myself, "We're brother and sister in Christ. We're supposed to love and forgive one another the way Christ loved us." The weight of guilt began to take its toll on me, but my bitterness combined with my passive non-confrontational self kept me silent.
Silent for over a year.
For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.
I understand why David associates unrepentant sin with physically wasting away in Psalm 32. Remaining silent when repentance and reconciliation needs to happen is like ignoring that infected, festering area on the sole of your foot, vaguely hoping it will somehow disappear on its own. Harboring the infection might seem simpler and even less painful than trying to heal it. Or maybe you have actually convinced yourself that it's not that bad. Maybe you can easily pretend that it doesn't even exist. You can still keep dancing or running or whatever it is your'e doing on your feet, so long as your feet don't fall off. But eventually you reach a point where it's out of control. The infection spreads and grows until the pain finally cripples you and you're forced to your knees, forced to heal.
I acknowledged my sin to you,
and I did not cover my iniquity;
I said "I will confess my transgression to the LORD,"
and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.
We are fools to approach the throne of God supposing that He will hand us a bottle of Advil to suppress the ramifications of our guilt and sin. Unfortunately, this is often what we expect. We want cheap pills to suppress the pain of our guilt when in reality we are in need of a heart transplant. But God is not interested in band-aids or stitches or easy remedies. No, the kind of work He specializes in is major surgery. His method of healing is a painful process. But it's life-saving.
Therefore let everyone who is godly
offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found;
surely in the rush of great waters,
they shall not reach him.