Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Extra Edition: That Time I Was a Klutz

This post was inspired by Becca Anne from life’s melody. I had a lot of fun reading some of her most embarrassing moments. It’s nice to be reminded that when it comes to painfully awkward and clumsy moments, I am not alone. It’s also good to remember that as much of a klutz as I am sometimes, hey, at least I can laugh at myself.

So, without further ado, here are four of my most embarrassing moments...

1. The Steel Toe to the Head

When I was in high school, I played airsoft a lot with my brothers and their friends. If you’ve never played airsoft, it’s a lot like paintball, only less messy and a whole lot more fun (in my opinion). We played outdoors on a friend’s property. The terrain included a pond, a forest, a large gully, and an old storm shelter, a rotting bridge in the forest, a large field and the occasional grazing herd of cows.

During one particular game, on a hot midsummer afternoon, we divided into two teams for a good ol’ round of kill-the-other-team-before-they-kill-you. At one point both teams were going at each other in the open field of tall grass. Naturally, I got shot pretty quickly. I shouted, “I’ve been hit!” and surrendered my weapon. Caught in the crossfires of both teams and not wanting to get pelted by hundreds of plastic BBs while I was already out, I laid down in the grass
.
My brother Ben was on the same team as me and in the racket of all the rapid fire, he had heard me shout “HIT!” This particular game allowed each player a certain number of “responds” from their teammates before they actually were out for good. Realizing I was down, Ben came charging across the field. Unfortunately, his steel toe boot found me before he did.

WHAM! His boot met the side of my head.

“Oh, there’s Dani! Are you okay?” Ben asked. It was one of those moments when stars literally danced in front of my eyes. A few minutes later, I sat in the van drinking water while the guys checked my eyeballs and made sure I didn’t have a concussion. I was fine aside from a massive bruise on the side of my face and a headache.

For future reference, when playing an airsoft game, don’t ever hide where a steel toe boot might accidentally find you...

2. An Incident with Quick Mud

My friend Rebekah and I had a lot of adventures in our high school years. Most of our adventures involved exploring her parents’ property or exploring the woods and creek close by the church where we took our home school coop classes. By the time we were finished with high school we were professional explorers.

In the winter, we built snowmen. In the springtime, we ran around outside in the rain. In the fall, we hiked around the muddy banks of the creek in the woods near the church. One particular afternoon, when we were all finished with our classes and waiting on our siblings to finish theirs, we put on our boots (we brought our boots just in case we encountered mud by the creek) and went outside.

Before we reached the forest, we had to cover a stretch of muddy terrain beyond the church parking lot. Unfazed, we plunged fearlessly ahead, invincible in our Rubbermaid wellies. The mud proved a lot more treacherous than we anticipated and it wasn’t long before Rebekah and I were both almost knee deep in mud. Rebekah was the first one to get stuck. She tried to pull her feet out of the mud, but couldn’t! Thinking quickly, she pulled her foot out of her boot and kept it suspended in the air while I manually extracted her boot from the mud.

Needless to say, we were both really messy by the end of the day. I’m not sure if anyone bore witness to our disgrace and humiliation (we were actually having a lot of fun, but it was still really embarrassing) but it’s probably just as well. We now both know better than to go traipsing through mud.

3. When I Crashed the Car...into My Parents’ House

There are many humiliating stories from my days of Driver’s Ed, such as the time I drove my mom, my siblings, and my friends’ to choir rehearsal and nearly wrecked our family’s minivan while turning off of the highway at 45+ miles per hour...yeah.

There were a lot of terrifying moments, but this story takes the cake.

I crashed the car into my parents’ house. That’s right. I was seventeen years old and a student driver. I had my drivers’ permit and was working on racking up driving hours in order to get my license. My family was coming home from Wednesday night prayer meeting and I was driving the mini-van.

I pulled into the driveway, neared to a stop, and the next thing that happened was one of those rare moments when I meant to hit the brake but my foot found the gas instead and CRUNCH!

The front of the minivan went right through the wall. For a moment I was terrified, panic-stricken. I had just destroyed my parents’ car—destroyed their house. This would probably cost them thousands upon thousands of dollars’ worth of repair, not to mention all the stress and time. I was the worst daughter ever. They would hate me forever—disown me—I was sure of it!

Everyone in the backseat screamed. I started crying. My dad calmly said, “Dani, back the car up.” I did. The front of the minivan was surprisingly unscathed—it had survived with not so much as a scratch!
Still, there was a big hole in the wall of the garage. Fortunately, the garage was the only part of the house that sustained damage. So there wasn’t an actual hole into our house...but it was still pretty embarrassing. PAINFULLY embarrassing, actually.

The following morning, I woke up to the sound of my brother prying the broken cement bricks apart with a sledge hammer...

Yeah, I’ll never live that one down.

4. And We Can’t Forget That Time I Murdered a Mattress

Speaking of moments that I’ll never live down, I had a pretty fantastic one last December during dress rehearsals for It’s a Wonderful Life. This production was one of the biggest shows our local theater has ever put on. The play itself was fast-paced with a large cast and crew, short scenes and rapid set and costume changes. Consequently, there were a lot of last-minute blocking decisions that were ironed out the week of dress rehearsals!

One such detail was the scene at the high school dance when everyone jumps into the swimming pool at the end. We didn’t rehearse this scene all the way through until the week of opening night. Of course we didn’t have an actual swimming pool on stage—we simply jumped off the stage onto an air mattress. The scene went well, everyone remembered their cues and dance moves, and then suddenly Mary and George danced backwards into the pool and one by one we jumped in after them.

When it came my turn, I mistakenly jumped feet first into the “swimming pool”. My four-inch heels punctured the mattress and deflated it almost instantly with a loud BLAM! There was a pause of awkward silence and then in the next moment everyone was in a flustered, “Are you all right?”, “Did you hurt yourself?” state. I was fine. I had landed on my feet and was actually kind of impressed with myself. I mean, I had landed on my feet in four inch high heels!

The mattress was less fortunate.

We replaced the mattress and from that night on, I remembered to dive head first onto the mattress (which may or may not have led to a series of somewhat embarrassing moments that may or may not have involved me rolling off the mattress and into the wall on the opposite side).

And there you have it! These are four of my most embarrassing moments. Trust me, there are many more. I have a habit of being clumsy and getting myself into ridiculous, awkward, embarrassing circumstances. The important thing is to laugh at yourself after the fact!

If you have any funny, embarrassing, clumsy stories to tell, I’d love to hear all about them (only if you want to share them, of course).

Photo from It's a Wonderful Life by Muncy Photograhy.

5 comments :

  1. Oh, I have a few fun stories ... let's see, when I was eight or nine I was running in the house (which I was not supposed to do), turned to go around a corner, and didn't turn fast enough - so I ran headfirst into the corner. I wasn't concussed, but I did have to get stitches!

    When I was twelve we cut down a holly tree that was in our front yard and I discovered that if I leaned the mostly-branchless six-foot trunk against the propane tank that was behind the garage, I could climb from the tree to the tank and from there to the garage roof (which I was not supposed to do). One time when I was up on the roof I thought I saw Mama coming out of the house. While I was trying to get down quickly before I was discovered, my dress caught on one of the lopped-off branch stumps on the holly tree. "No biggie," I thought, "I'll just jump from here and my skirt will be freed by the upward motion of my jumping." Except that instead of coming loose, my skirt stuck, and pulled the tree down on top of me. That time I DID have a concussion.

    I also once tripped on my church skirt while running, turned a somersault in midair, and landed neatly in a cross-legged sitting position. I don't think I was even bruised that time, though. Just surprised and, of course, super embarrassed. ^^

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    1. Oh dear! I had to laugh a little, even though getting a concussion sounds so painful.

      Isn't it amazing that despite our crazy antics and clumsy moments, we still survive?

      Thanks for sharing!! :D

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  2. Hi Dani!

    Oh my goodness, this is so sweet! I had a good laugh with your embarrassing stories - I think my favourite, mostly because I am currently on my Learner's Driver License at the moment and very aware of this whole driving safely thing, would be definitely the one when you crashed your parent's minivan into the house. Oh my word! That is SO SCARY! I would have freaked out too, and cried and everything. It is one of those things that I still to when I sometimes mean to press the breaks at a Round-About and instead speed on the Gas *shudders* Driving adventures are I think the most terrifying when I think about it. The other day in my driving lesson, my teacher told me to turn left at an intersection, and even though I was conscience of hearing her, I promptly turned right like I was totally sure that left meant the right side of me. I felt so embarrassed and kept apologising so that I subsequently did a U-Turn instead of turning right into another street afterwards like she was telling me to. I don't exactly like remembering things like that ;)

    Also the ruptured mattress must have been really an awkward/funny thing - but I think you were pretty clever too, to jump down on heels ^_^. Was that incident in an actual performance or rather in a rehearsal?

    The thing is, that in the long run those awkward incidents actually bring smiles to our faces and make us laugh, so I guess they are good. I don't have memories of too man uncomfortable incidents, because I quickly blank them out when they happen. I do remember once going to a baby-shower, and one of the two inch heels of my sandals broke - as I was sitting down when it fell, I didn't realize that it happened until a lady pointed at the fallen heel lying there on the ground and in a rather too-loud voice said "You lost your heel!" I blushed and still not noticing what happened I said primly "I don't think its mine." After she left, I sheepishly glanced at my feet and realised I had lost my heel!

    One time when I was only 6 or 7 I was playing dolls with my friend at her house (she was a bit older than me), and we were deciding upon the ages and names of our little babies when I told her that the bigger doll in the pram was my 6 months-year-old baby and that the baby doll in my arms was my 3-month old baby. My friend just burst into laughter, and told our sisters how I had two babies both 3 and 6 months old - but I couldn't for the life of me grasp what was so funny! ;)

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    1. Joy, that is too funny! Learning to drive is one of the most treacherous experiences ever. There were a couple times that I might have pulled into the wrong lane (oncoming traffic) or tried to turn left on a red light. Yeah...

      The important thing is that we're still alive, right? ;)

      Thank you for sharing! This was so much fun to read.

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    2. Oh, and I forgot to mention that I deflated the mattress during one of our final dress rehearsals, NOT during a performance, thank goodness! :D

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