Friday, July 1, 2016

Because I'm Single || 4 Misconceptions About Singles



If you are not single right now, chances are you probably were at some point or another in your life. You might have to stretch your brain hard to think back that far (don't rub it in). Your life might be considerably more awesome now that you are un-single, so awesome in fact that you decided to obliterate all of your prior memories as a destitute, meaningless, joyless single from your memories. Still, we all know what it is to be single, whether we enjoyed being single or not. Singleness is a universally human experience and yet there are still so many misconceptions about single people. I am here to debunk a few of them. 

The following may be true for some singles, but they're not true for me and I am sure there are other young or not-so young single adults who can relate. In general we should never generalize or make assumptions about people based on their relationship status. So in celebration of getting to know people as whole, complete individuals whether they have a "better half" or not, here are a few misconceptions you should lay aside the next time you approach me or any single person...

1. I am available 100% of the time. I love babysitting and pet-sitting and house-sitting. I love sitting in general, almost as much as I love running, especially when I'm sitting down to watch Netflix (haha, see what I did there?). I think having a little more flexibility is one of the perks of being a single person and I like filling needs where I can. But this does not mean that I don’t have a life, I don’t make plans, and I don’t know how to spend my time because I’m single. I have a job. I have obligations. I have friends. I have a social life (does Netflix count as a social life?).

2. I can't relate to married couples whatsoever. Because every married couple knows that if you are single, you can’t join the club. Okay, not every married person treats me this way. In fact, I have a lot of married/un-single friends who are great about hanging out with me, talking, and simply being my friend even though our relationship statuses are different. But there are always those adults who talk down to me, over me, and past me because, “I’m sorry, but I just can’t relate to you. I mean, I was never single, was I?”  

3. My life is on hold. Being single is all about sitting around and waiting for someone to marry. And until then, my life doesn’t really amount to much. When my friends and family ask me, “What’s going on in your life? Anything exciting happening?” I know they’re fishing for relationship information. “Has a gallant young man stepped into your life? Oh—no? Okay, I’m bored.” It’s no secret that everyone is disinterested in your existence until you get into a relationship...and then suddenly your personal life is everybody’s business. And I exaggerate here because obviously my friends and family aren't completely disinterested in my existence. But the fact still remains. My life is not on hold simply because I don’t have a boyfriend. If anything, it’s quite the opposite and the plans I make, the things I do, the job I have—those are all still really important and exciting for me.

Here’s a tip for all you un-single people. When you approach your single friends, avoid asking general questions such as, “How’s life? How are you doing?” Instead, ask them specific questions like, “How was work this week? How is that project you’ve been working on? How is your roommate?” Because if you think about it, these are the kinds of questions we ask married couples. “How is your child? How’s your husband? How is the nursery coming along for the baby-on-the-way?” And just because we don’t have husbands, wives, or children, doesn’t mean our commitments, jobs, dreams and various other aspects of our lives are no less important to us.

4. I am hunting for a husband. It is a universally accepted assumption that any young woman who is twenty-one years old and single must be in want of a husband. Rephrase: She is desperate for a husband. Rephrase: She is so desperate for a husband she will snatch up any eligible single man in the near vicinity. Except not. Because a young woman who is twenty-one and decidedly single is probably decidedly single because she has very specific expectations for any potential suitors and she’s not going to settle for anything less than her expectations. And until that someone comes along (if he ever does), she is going to remain blissfully single because life is awesome and being single is awesome.

Do you relate to these misconceptions? Are there any other misconceptions you would add to this list? 

15 comments :

  1. I love your list! It's really thought out and true.♥ I've never been on a date, never had a hard crush on anyone, so I totally get the whole being single thing.
    I really wish people would take in account your last point (number 4). That one is REALLY GOOD!

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    1. Thanks Kara!! Number four is kinda my favorite. ^_^

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  2. This is a good post, with good observations on the state of we young singles. :)
    If I were to add anything, it would be the misconception that because I am not married, yet want to be, I'm ready to leap before I look and rush into a relationship. There probably are some singles out there who are like that, but despite my age and ebbing and flowing emotions, I'm not that foolish. So basically, I rephrased #4 of this post. ;)

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    1. Thanks for sharing Paige! The pressure to rush into relationships only gets worse rhe older you get, but it's so important to not lose focus on what's important and the standards we've set for ourselves and our relationships. :-)

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  3. I relate to a lot of these. I'm single and 23. I'm mostly concentrating on a career right now. Boyfriend is optional and I don't want to settle. When he comes around, he'll come around. It sometimes hard to maintain that outlook when friends and family are getting boyfriends or getting married. But I want to make sure I'm choosing the right guy.

    storitorigrace.blogspot.com

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    1. Amen, Victoria! Keep going strong. Thanks for stopping by. :)

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  4. Enjoyed your post and your sense of humor, Dani! I have gotten some amusing remarks from older folks. Once I was working for a friend's mother helping her pack for a move when the new owner came in (whom I had never seen before in my life) and out of the blue told me that if I lived right and loved God He'd send me a good husband. Nice of her, but I thought it was a bit strange too! I guess I must just look eligible or something. :)

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    1. Haha well you are definitely at the age where you will frequently receive remarks like that! It is a little amusing though, isn't it? I mean, a good husband would be nice and all, but why do people automatically assume that is our first concern simply because we are at that eligible age? Thanks for stopping by, Bethany!

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  5. Ooh, very nice! I totally relate, being 26 and "still" single. I've been on dates, even had relationships, but for the most part it's been I've been single. It's not that I'm asexual--just that my work and my other relationships are satisfying my emotional needs.
    I've come up with two categories of people and how they treat me and my long-standing singleness. Interesting, which side of the line people fall on does not seem to have anything to do with their own relationship status.
    1) Dismissive. These are the people like you described, who see my life as wasted, incomplete because I'm not in a relationship and see me as a weirdo for not being desperate to break from the curse of singleness. They constantly ask me: "Got a boyfriend yet?" Or "Do you go out much? Maybe you should go out more!"
    2) Accepting. These are the awesome, wonderful people who love me, with all my quirks and nonstandard habits. They ask me how MY life is, not why my life hasn't met their expectations of normal.
    I've long since decided that any more potential boyfriends are going to have to come from category 2.

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    1. Excellent, Hannah! Yes, they will definitely have to come from category #2. Because the only reason they would be in category #1 is if they're not single. XD

      Thanks for stopping by!

      Dani xoxo

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    2. You're welcome!
      I've actually met quite a few single folk from Category One. Quite a few single men from that crowd.
      There's a typo in my original comment, it was supposed to read: "Interestingly, which side of the line people fall does not seem to have anything to do with their own relationship status."
      Amazing, how much difference two letters make, lol!

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  6. This is exactly what I needed to hear Dani! This is great! As an 18 year old many people are wondering my status on said "relationships" and telling me I should put myself out there and search for a suitor. But I'm perfectly fine where I am. I mean, Ruth (a beautiful single woman in the bible) wasn't hunting down Boaz. God brought him to her in his perfect timing. And I believe that's what God's going to do for me, and anybody else who lets him! So you're right! We don't need to hunt "Mr. Right" down, we need to be comfortable and content where we are right now and let God do the rest. Thank you so much for this encouraging blog! You're a tremendous writer! :)

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    1. Dominique, thank you so much! You made an excellent point about Ruth from the Bible. Her story is commonly misinterpreted as the story of a woman who pursued a "shy man" like Boaz, but in reality it's the story of a woman who simply did the work God gave her to do, obeyed Him faithfully, loved her mother-in-law, and like you said, God provided her with Boaz in his timing. :)

      Dani xoxo

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